A leading wellbeing expert has shared her advice on how to best support someone showing signs of ending their life. Lynn Crilly’s advice comes ahead of World Suicide Prevention Day which takes place on Tuesday September 10. Over 5,600 people committed suicide in England in 2023, equivalent to over 11 suicides per 100,000 people. And with mental health services under huge strain it’s feared numbers could be even higher in 2024.
Mental health crusader Ms Crilly, a counsellor and author, whose books include Hope with Depression: a self-help guide for those affected and their families, friends and carers, warned we are currently in the midst of a major crisis.
But she added: “Most people who feel suicidal do not want death, they just want the pain to stop. So the most powerful thing you can do is be there for them, showing that you care that that their life matters, and helping them find an alternative way forward, highlighting the clues to look for, she continued: “Most people who attempt suicide will give some clue or warning, so it is vital to take those clues seriously, even if they are said casually. They may talk or write about death or harming themselves, or they may seek out things that could be used to take their own life, such as weapons or drugs. However, there may be more subtle signs: hopelessness, self-loathing and self-destructive behaviour should all be taken seriously. Be alert also to those who seem to be getting their affairs in order or saying goodbye to people as if they will not be seen again. It sounds obvious, but all too often the clues are missed.
Explaining how best to react if you spot any of the signs, Lynn, who is also currently producing a film called A Day With An Eating Disorder, continued: “If you spot any of these signs and are worried about someone you care about, it is natural to question whether you should say something. But the best way to find out is to ask them. Showing you care will not push someone towards suicide, rather it will give them an opportunity to voice their fears and feelings which could in turn help them to see that there is another way forward.
While talking is crucial, so is listening. Allow your friend or loved one to unload their despair and listen without judgement, remaining calm and accepting of how they feel. Reassure them that help is available and tell them how important they are to you. Avoid arguing with them or appearing shocked.”
Outlining where to best direct those who might be suffering Lynn added: “Help them to find professional help and be proactive in keeping in touch with them – do not wait for them to call or expect them to ask for help. Instead, be in touch often and continue to be supportive in the long term, even if the immediate crisis appears to have passed. Help them to come up with a plan to follow if they feel suicidal thoughts descend. This may include identifying their main triggers, as well as what may help them to fight through those difficult feelings. The plan could also include a clear list of contact numbers for friends and family who can help in an emergency, as well as details of their doctor or therapist. If you are worried that there is an urgent danger that they may commit suicide, phone their doctor or dial 999.”
Charity website https://www.sane.org.uk/ is a good source of information, with helplines and other ways to get the support about how to help someone who is having suicidal thoughts.
To mark World Suicide Prevention Day, Lynn’s daughter Samantha, a poet and actress, has shared these words:
DEAR SUICIDE
By
Samantha Crilly
If we fly away together, can we go as high as we can
So far away we’ll lose sight of this land
I must admit it scares me ever so slightly
I know life on this earth isn’t given out lightly
You’ve said it will be peaceful where we’ll end up
however, I’ve been told here many times I have too much to give up
I hope you’re not lying as word says you’re a thief
Wearing a mask of purity to cover the muck underneath
You’ve made me swear not to listen to tomorrow
But it keeps telling me love still has time to grow
That there is happiness down here still waiting for me
That one day I will have the strength to set myself free
So therefore, I’ve decided to pull out of our deal
I know I’m worth so much more than how you feel
goodbye, I hope you keep your thoughts to yourself
and I’m looking forward to sharing tomorrow with everyone else